I read this quote by Sheikh Usama Abdul Ghani and totally fell in love with it as it resonates with what I’ve always wanted in a partner:
In this time and day, where the ratio of women to men is almost 10:1, it seems for many that one of the biggest challenges is finding that ‘one’ person that you’d like to spend your Aakhirah(the Hereafter) with. For most reverts, and for most independent Muslimah’s that don’t have family to intervene in marital matters, it seems like hitting the lotto is easier and more likely than finding a decent partner. ” Where is he? Does he even exist? When will my time come?” are all questions that I’m sure we’ve all been shadowed with at least once.I can’t answer those questions, I wish I had the answers but I’m no where close. What I do know, is that I have complete faith and trust in my Creator, and I truly believe that whatever He has in store for me, will be, in His own time, not mine. What I do know, is what I’m looking for in a partner – what I’m willing to put up with and what I’ll put my foot down for. I’ve had this debate with family and friends, and it annoys me when women look for a partner or want a partner, only to want to ‘change’ him during the course of engagement or marriage.That’s the 1st mistake a majority of women make.
If the guy still likes his partying, late nights with the boys,blows all his dough away, drinks like a fish, has an awful sense of style, doesn’t pray…whatever…his vices are, if he hasn’t changed over the past 20-40 odd years or so, you coming along won’t change that ! Yes, you might be able to make a difference, you might be able to ‘inspire’ him enough to be a better man, a better Muslim, a better partner, but at the end of the day that change should come from within. He’s had X amount of years to change ! I know too many women that have ‘settled’ only to be constantly disappointed over and over again.
There’s no such thing as a ‘perfect’ man – neither is there a ‘perfect’ woman. So please blow up that imaginary bubble of a prince in shining armor sweeping you off your feet. That’s Hollywood, and we all know what a farce Hollywood is ! Look for a God-fearing individual, a person that thinks not once, not twice, thrice before he or she commits an act of sin. Look for a partner that respects and puts his family on the pedestal and not in the backseat. Because, when you become his family, you’ll be put on the pedestal as well. Last but not least, look for a partner that has balance or at least understands it – one that knows how to juggle work, family, friends. If you understand balance and priorities, look for a partner that has the same attitude. Make sure that your future ‘suitor’ mirrors off your actions. We’ve all heard the saying ‘opposites attract’ , I agree to that to a certain extent. However, if you’ve met the ‘perfect’ guy but you’re a homebody and he loves hanging out till the wee hours of the night, that might be bearable in the beginning, but it’s only a matter of time before that becomes a conflict of interest. Sometimes the 1st thing that attracts you to someone, could be the very thing that turns you off later, it’s only a matter of time when!
If you are a person of deen, then be with a person that brings you closer to the gates of Heaven, not further away from it.
I’m going to end this by an amazing quote by the very talented Boona Mohammed , “IF YOU WANT A MUHAMMED YOU GOTTA BE A KHADIJAH” –