Confessions of a 31 year old Muslimah

I recently turned 31 a few weeks back, and after I went through the initial shock of adding the extra One to my 30’s, I’m slowing beginning to get comfortable with it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those women that cringe at their age, more than anything, I’m proud of everything that I’ve achieved and the lessons that continually shape and transform me into the woman I am today.

I wasn’t fortunate enough to get a college degree, but traveling the world, has taught me more about people, customs, traditions, and put me in situations that no textbook could ever offer me insight on.

I’ve passed the 20’s where I felt the need to impress everyone around me, and I’m so glad that I was guided once again to my beautiful religion. I spent too much of my youth obsessed with music, the wrong crowds, and the wrong influences. I guess, sometimes, you just have to be broken down, in order to rebuild a better YOU.  I now understand what my priorities are and should be. I no longer sweat the small stuff, and I’ve realized that it doesn’t matter how much of a control freak you are, at the end of the day, its God that decides which path you’ll be on.

Most of my friends are either entering into marriage, or raising their second or third child. I’m nowhere close in either of those departments. Does it bother me ? I’d be lying if I said it didn’t. Most single women that throw themselves into the social scene have a hard enough time finding a ‘decent’ man – not saying those are the right places – but the intimidation that most men have approaching a covered woman is heightened ten times fold and a different story altogether.

Does it get easier for us single ‘covered sisters’ in our 30’s ? I have no idea. I guess it just becomes an internal struggle between you and your Creator and how much faith you have in Him with your affairs. My faith has strengthened over time, and I’ve come to the realization that God has perfect timing for everything and everyone. I’ve also come to the realization that questioning my ‘singledom’ isn’t really going to fix anything and neither is it going to give me the answers I want. So instead of over thinking, I’m using the time I have to be a better Muslimah, a better human being, and being a wonderful woman, inside and out.

Only Allah knows if marriage is in the cards for some of us, but instead of dwelling on things that are simply not in my control, I look around at all the gifts that I’m surrounded with – my deen, my family, my health, and the circle of friends that I’ve been lucky to be bestowed with.

I remind myself of this beautiful verse from the Qur’aan ; ” And whoever puts all his trust in Allah, He will be enough for him” – verse 65:3  So instead of sweating the small stuff, I’ve turned to my prayer mat as my source of comfort and I know that no prayer and supplication ever goes unheeded by Allah (SWT). If there’s anything I’ve learnt about hitting my 30’s, it’s that, I’ve stopped looking at people and things for fulfillment. Turning to God has done just that for me.

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